Love is a Cruel Mistress
by Zaccyman8
Summary: Roxas is best friends with Sora, which makes the fact that Roxas is sorely in love with him worse. Can Sora love him back before its too late?
1. Chapter 1

**Love is a Cruel Mistress**

**Hey, this is my first fanfic. Sorry if its a bit shabby, but it was a labour of love. I would really enjoy some constructive feedback and criticism. Thanks!**

**Roxas POV**

_Roxas stared lovingly into his best friends' beautiful azure orbs, drinking in the enthusiastic spark that always danced in Sora's iris's. He leaned in for another passionate kiss, tasting Sora's tongue. He loved every moment of it. Roxas felt Sora's amazingly soft skin stretched over his abdomen with one hand, while he fiddled with his pants zipper with the other..._

Roxas sat upright suddenly in his bed, banging his forehead on the bunk above him.

"Dammit," he hissed.

The sticky substance in his boxers told him he had just had another wet dream. That was the third one this week, all of them about Sora, his best friend for most of his 17 years, crush for 2 of those. He tip- toed out of his room to avoid waking his sleeping brother, Axel, one of the few people who knew of his sexuality, let alone his secret love.

He walked to the bathroom, and switched on the water. he pulled off his boxers and stepped into the shower. He washed himself clean of the white liquid, then sat cross-legged on the floor of the shower and started sobbing pathetically.

Why did it have to be his one true friend? Why did it have to be the one person who he couldn't risk a rejection from, for fear of ruining their friendship? It was the person he was closest to, and that made the torture of knowing he could never have him even worse. He saw Sora every day at school, and most weekends. So close, yet so far.

Roxas didn't _dare_ tell Sora about his true feelings. Sora didn't even know Roxas was gay. Few did. His brother and twin sister, Namine, were the only people in the world who knew.

Sora was a bit of a flirt. He was after Namines best friend, Kairi. It tore Roxas' heart in half, the day he spied Kairi and Sora making out behind the dumpster. He cried for the rest of the day, sobbing until tears wouldn't come.

**Namine POV**

Roxas had been crying in the night again. Namine could read him like a book. She loved her brother, and knew of his want for Sora. She hated seeing him like this. It made her sad. She tried at every possible opportunity to stop Kairi from being with Sora, just to stop him from crying. She always invited her over, or joined in the conversation whenever they got to close, but sometimes she just couldn't help it.

Axel was a big help, too. He was best friends with Riku, Sora's older brother. If he heard of plans that Sora had with Kairi, he would come over and do his best to disrupt them, inconspicuously, of course.

But Namine had a life too. She couldn't protect her brother forever. So she started doing less, letting things slip through her fingers. She told herself it was the right thing to do, to get her brother used to the world. But deep down, she felt like the worst, most selfish person ever to walk the Earth.

**Roxas POV**

Roxas stared at Sora from across the classroom. _God, he's beautiful_, Roxas thought, _If only..._

"'Sup, blondie. Checkin' me out?" Sora fluttered his eyelids. Roxas winced. he wished Sora wouldn't joke about that. "You wish," He put on a fake smile. It was Friday afternoon. School had just finished. "Watcha doin' after school, Rox?" Sora asked. "Not much." replied Roxas. "Cool. Come round to my house about 5. My parents are away so i'm havin' a party. Riku, Namine, Kairi, Olette, Hayner and Fuu are comin' round too." "Sure. Sounds like fun" said Roxas. "Okay, see ya!" yelled Sora, running off.

"You know, Sora is planning to play spin the bottle. Riku told me." Roxas turned around to see his brother, Axel, smirking. Namine was standing behind him. She was smiling as well. "Who knows? you might get lucky."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, thanks for the reviews, and sorry for the mix-up with the POVs.**

**Sora POV**

Sora was hyped about the party. His parents had gone on a holiday somewhere, and he had the house all to himself. Everyone was gonna have heaps of fun! But the main reason Sora had this party was to try and cheer up Roxas. He had been acting strange lately. Sometimes Sora would catch him staring at him across the room, with a tiny frown and a hint of sadness in his piercing emerald eyes. Sometimes Roxas would just zone out while Sora was talking. A few times he came to school with red eyes, a hint that he had been crying in the midst of the night.

Sora had it figured out though.

It came to him when he and Kairi were making out behind the dumpster. Sora saw Roxas watching them, and Roxas ran off crying like a toddler with a scraped elbow.

Roxas liked Kairi.

It explained everything. So after everyone had left the party, Sora was going to dump Kairi. The last thing he wanted was his friend of nearly 15 years to stop liking him because of some girl.

Bros before hoes, right?

**Roxas POV**

For Roxas, the party went by in a kind of a blur. That was, until, people started leaving. Roxas and Namine did their best to stop them, because they knew Sora wouldn't play spin the bottle without at least six people. So now it was only Namine, Roxas, Sora and Kairi. Another chance Roxas wouldn't get to kiss Sora. Sora went into his room, and Kairi followed, giggling. Roxas sighed. Namine gave him a sympathetic look.

"C'mon Namine," he said, "We both know what they're doing in there."

Roxas and Namine got up to leave. As they were walking out the door, they heard Kairi scream "WHAT?" and run out with tears streaming down her face.

Namine and Roxas exchanged puzzled glances.

As Namine went outside to console Kairi, Roxas walked into Sora's room and sat on the bed, next to his best friend.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I dumped Kairi."

"Why?"

"Because you shouldn't have to see me with her,"

Roxas was dumbfounded. "Sora, do you mean..."

"Dumped her for you, man."

_Is Sora actually saying he loves me?_

"Sor, how long have you known that I..."

"I noticed how you stared at me in class, and when you ran crying when you saw me and Kairi kissing, it all made sense."

Roxas couldn't believe it. This was better than all of his dreams coming true at the same time. It just couldn't be.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Tears were welling up in Roxas' eyes. The moment completely took him over.

He threw himself at Sora.

**Sora POV**

Soft lips met Sora's. Gentle hands guided him onto the bed. Kairi never kissed like this. Sora liked it.

A lot.

A tongue entered and explored Sora's mouth. A passionate hand grabbed a lock of the brunettes spiky hair. Sora looked into piercing green eyes, eyes full of love. Roxas was the best kisser Sora had ever...

Something clicked in Sora's mind. He swore you could hear the gears turning...

_Wait. Roxas? Shit._


	3. Chapter 3

**Me again. Keep those reviews comin'!**

**Roxas POV**

This is exactly how Roxas imagined his first kiss with Sora. He was euphoric. All his hardwork, all his hints, all his dreams, had finally yielded results. Roxas loved every moment of it, and he could tell Sora did too. But something was wrong.

Roxas pulled away. He looked into Sora's eyes. He saw that he'd misjudged something. Sora looked confused, and a little scared.

"Roxas... I..."

_He thought I liked Kairi_

Roxas put his hands over his mouth. Tears were forming at the sides of his eyes.

He ran.

He ran out the door, tears streaming down his face, into the raining night. He ran to the end of Sora's street and tripped. He lay in a fetal position, and sobbed, desprately whispering His loves name. Namine sat next to him and held him. Roxas heard her reach into her pocket and pull out her cell, ringing for Axel to come pick them up.

And they sat in the cold, wet night.

**Sora POV**

Sora lay on his bed, thinking of the hearts he just broke. Sora lay on his bed, thinking of the two people who just ran from his house, crying. Sora lay on his bed, thinking of the beautiful kiss he just shared with his best friend. But most of all, Sora lay on his bed thinking of what a stupid fool he was to not see his friends true feelings.

**Namine POV**

Roxas became severely depressed. He wasn't eating, and he was losing weight. He didn't go to school, but instead lay on his bed, listening to sad love songs and crying.

But what scared Namine the most is that she had noticed knives disappearing from the cupboards, only to find them hours later with blood stains on the blades.

Whenever Namine tried to talk to Roxas, he would attack her and scream bloody murder. They tried hiring counselors and psychologists, but no-one could get through to him. He would simply zone out and rock with his legs hugged to his body

She couldn't help but think that she had failed Roxas. She thought that if she had tried harder, she could have stopped it from happening. She hated herself. It hurt to see Roxas like this, so forlorn and sad.

There was only one person who could help him.

**Sora POV**

School was passing by as a blur for Sora. His grades were falling, and he was getting little sleep in the nights. What little sleep he had was littered with dreams of the scene in his room with Roxas. He had nightmares of Roxas telling Sora that he never loved him. These hurt Sora in the worst way imaginable. He also had good dreams of what might of happened if he had stayed with Roxas.

Sora had never thought of himself as gay, but girls had no effect on him anymore.

It was almost as if his entire life had been a dream, and he had woken up when Roxas kissed him. He was worried. It had been almost a month since the kiss, and Roxas hadn't been at school a single day.

He had made a decision. He was going to have to see Roxas sooner or later. So he was going to visit on the weekend.

He just hoped Roxas would forgive him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys. Remember to review, and i take requests!**

**Sora POV**

Sora was standing outside Roxas' house. He was reluctant to open the idea because he had no idea how Roxas might react.

But it was time to face the music.

Sora knocked on the door. For a while he didn't hear anything, and although he was sad, he was also a bit relieved. But then Namine opened the she saw Sora she gave him a big hug.

"Sora! I tried to ring you but no-one was picking up!" she said, tears starting to form.

"How's Roxas?" Sora enquired.

Tears started falling down Namines cheeks. _Crap,_ thought Sora, _thats not a good sign._

"He's horrible, and getting worse. I don't know what you did to him, but you hurt him."

"Can I see him?"

She looked at her feet. "I don't know Sora. I would have let you in straight away a week ago, but Roxas is getting more and more reclusive. He hasn't come out of his room for weeks. He's attacking me and Axel, and he's doing horrible things to himself. I'll let you see him, but I can't guarantee he won't try to attack you."

Sora nodded. He walked past Namine into the house, and then walked to Roxas' room. he knocked.

"Go away." he heard a very muffled voice say.

"It's Sora."

He waited. And waited and waited. Roxas slammed open the door.

He looked like the dead walking. There were massive bags under his eyes, and his cheeks and forehead were bruised. His ribs were visible through his shirt, and there were scars all along his arms, evidence that he had been cutting himself. But the worst thing about Roxas was the look in his eyes. He looked like he had nothing left, how somehow Sora's denial of his love for Roxas had completely destroyed Roxas' life. It probably had.

Roxas' eyes were hard as he looked at Sora. Sora didn't know what to say.

"Roxas, you look terrible." was all he could manage.

Roxas didn't say anything.

"Roxas, I..."

"Think you should leave." Roxas said , finishing Sora's sentence.

"Roxas, I still want to be your friend, but..."

"I can't do it anymore, Sora. It hurts being so close to you every day. I'm ready to love you, but you reject me and still expect me to be your friend? How _dare_ you?

"But..."

"Leave."

"Roxas..."

"Now."

"I..."

"GO!" Roxas screamed. He through a punch at Sora. It connected with his nose, breaking it. Sora staggered backwards, then ran out the door.

**Namine POV**

Namine watched Sora run out the door, with blood streaming down his face, and sighed. Roxas was beyond help. She went about here daily chores, and as she was going to bed, she noticed the door to Roxas' room was open, and the lamp on his desk shone on a letter. It said _For Namine and Axel._

She opened it and read.

_Dear Namine and Axel,  
>My life has been a waking nightmare for the past two years, and the light at the end of the tunnel was fake. Sora's visit today showed me that I have nothing left to live for.<em>

Namine put a hand to her mouth and started crying, but kept reading.

_My life is a burden to you two, and you shouldn't have to suffer because my life requires yours to stop. So I am lifting the heavy load of my life off the Earth, as she will be better off without me. Don't cry for me, I am happier this way. I won't have to live in this horror movie that is society._

Sobs racked Namine's body.

_I leave all my worldly possessions to you two. Tell Sora that_

Roxas' letter trailed to a stop there. There were teardrops on the page, and a pencil was snapped in half on the desk.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, this is the last chapter. Sorry I took so long, but school started and I haven't had much of a chance to write. I would really appreciate more reviews. Enjoy!**

**Namine POV**

Namine was in hysterics. She didn't know what to do. She called Axel at work, but was in such a fit of crying that all she could manage was a "GET HOME!"

It was all her fault. If she had just kept trying, Roxas could be happy and well right now. She hated herself.

Axel rushed in the front door.

"Namine, what happened?"

Namine tried to talk but words wouldn't form, instead turning into sobs. She handed Axel the letter. As he read it, his already white skin paled further. He had a solemn and determined look in his eye.

**Axel POV**

Axels headed was spinning, and it took all his self-restraint to stop from sobbing like his sister. Roxas still had a chance, but there was only one thing, that only one person could do that would stop Roxas from committing sui... Axel choked at the word.

"Namine, I want you to try and calm down, and I want you to have a look in all the places Roxas might go to..." Axel left the sentence unfinished. Namine nodded, showing that she understood. She went out the back to get her bike.

"I'm going to Sora's house and I'm going to beat him until he comes with us." What Axel said sounded like a joke, but his tone of voice showed he was deadly serious.

Axel got into his car and he drove as fast as he could to Sora's house, where he knocked on the door and waited, tapping his foot. Riku answered.

"Hey bro! What's...?" Riku saw something was very, _very_ wrong.

"Sora. Now." Riku nodded, understanding that it would be a fatal mistake to disobey Axel at the moment.

"Axel, what is it? Is something wrong with Roxas?"

"Damn right there's something with Roxas! He's gonna kill himself!" Tears welled up in Axel's eyes.

"You're coming with me and we _are _going to find Roxas. If we don't, or we don't get there in time, I'm going to rip out your heart and feed it to a dog, because that is almost exactly what you did with Roxas." Axel had a dangerous fire in his eyes.

Axel got in the car and Sora nodded, getting in next to him.

**Sora POV**

Sora was scared, not only for Roxas, but for his very life. Axel had a steely look in his eyes that told Sora if they didn't find Roxas, Axel would do exactly what he said he would. Also, he was driving like a maniac.

"Sora, do you have any idea where Roxas might go? Any place that might be special to him?"

Sora thought of where Roxas might go. Roxas was always high on his own drama, so he would probably go somewhere incredibly ironic, an icon of their friendship, like...

"The Clock tower." Sora finished his train of thought audibly. Axel nodded and drove faster than the law allowed to the place where Sora spent most of his childhood with Roxas at.

**Roxas POV**

Roxas stood stood at the top of the clock tower, looking down at all that he had lived for, all he had known. He saw the pre-school that he and Sora met at. He saw the playground he and Sora always went to. Everywhere he looked, there was a painful reminder of Sora. He saw Axels car pull up to the building.

The person he wanted to see both the least and the most stepped out of the passenger side door.

This was too much. Namine rode her bike up to the building and screamed for Roxas to come down. But it all came out as white noise to Roxas.

He jumped. He fell. The cold embrace of death welcomed him into its unforgiving arms.

But next to the face of death was a counter-force, the thing that anchored Roxas' soul to the world.

Sora's face.

There was a blinding flash of light, and Roxas was on the ground, dazed but safe. And warm arms took him. And lips met his own. And Roxas heard the three words that he had been waiting to hear for all of his known life from Sora

"I love you."

How did Roxas survive, you ask? Love conquers all, and one can only guess at the ways the cruel mistress of love does her work.

**I hope you enjoyed the last chapter! PLEASE**** PLEASE**** PLEASE**** PLEASE**** PLEASE**** PLEASE**** Review, and i do requests. My next fic will be another Soroxas yaoi, but it will have a lighter tone. Thanx!**


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